Monday, December 6, 2010

Footy Tweets Of The Week

As the world around us becomes more and more involved in social networking, On The Offensive has compiled the most hilarious tweets from some of the most seminal voices in world soccer over the weekend. So let's hear what various footy writers and players had to say.
keep hearing from insiders that avram grant's a "babe magnet", "makes women weak at the knees". puzzling & unsettling in equal measures
what's with  & twitter? 5 of most popular 10 tweeters worldwide hail from there. most unlikely caracas stat since gregory's girl?
His new name is Samir 'THE ANGLE' Nasri ! That's 2 weeks on the bounce he has scored goals from ridiculous angles! 
Roberto Mancini unhappy  didn't win by more goals: 'If I was playing I would have scored two or three'
We're like Barça in attack, but Blackpool at the back.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

2022: A Failed U.S. Bid

Well today U.S. Soccer received a sad yet much needed dose of reality in wake of failing to secure the 2022 World Cup bid. While Sunil Gulati and many US Soccer bigwigs may be wallowing at the defeat handed to them by the small Arab nation, there are a few distinct reasons why this defeat was inevitable.

1. Sepp Blatter's Nobel Peace Prize Bid

There is nothing on the face of the Earth that Darth Sepp Blatter wants more than to be left with a legacy befitting of a Nobel Peace Prize. Not only has his work left the impression that he is campaigning for the touted award, but in the bidding process it seemed as if he actively pursued it. 

Yes, I know Sepp Blatter is a non-voting member of the committee, but to argue that football's most powerful man had no say in the select is pure fiction. While opening up new markets may be all well and good- will successful yet somewhat faulted tournaments in 2002 and 2010, it seemed that at least one of the picks would be a proven candidate. Having brought football to Asia (South Korea and Japan), Africa (South Africa), and now Eastern Europe and the Middle East, could it be any more obvious that he wishes to be included amongst Mother Teresa, Jimmy Carter, and Kofi Annan in the pantheon of Nobel Winners. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

On The Move: Potential January Transfers

With the January transfer window approaching and the weaknesses in starting XI of YOUR squad, let's find out who the likely movers and replacements available are. 

Antonio Cassano

Current Team: Sampdoria

After the Italian badboy's recent bust-up with the Sampdoria club president Riccardo Garrone and duly warming the bench for the Genoan side, a January move seems to be in the cards. The main deterrent for purchasing this allegedly reformed man, is his temperament and attitude towards authority. It is quite a shame that Italy's most creative talent is continually cutting his feet out from underneath him. The unsetteled star has put Juve and Inter on high alert, but one gets the feeling that Sampdoria will sell to the highest bidder, regardless of Cassano's wishes.

Likely Destinations: Juventus and Inter Milan

After the jump- Adebayor, Ashley Young, and Nicklas Bendtner all wantaway

Freddy Adu and Juan Agudelo

As reported by, Freddy Adu is now training with Randers FC in Denmark. According to Randers chief scout Peter Christiansen, 
"Freddy Adu's agent, whom I work very closely with in other respects, approached to inquire about the possibility that Freddy Adu could come to Randers to keep fit by participating in daily training," Randers chief scout Peter Christiansen told the club website. "We said 'Yes, of course' to get a player like Freddy Adu in training. Hopefully he can help to lift it further and also provide some inspiration for our own players.

No disrespect to Randers FC, but Adu seems to be perpetually moving down the world football ladder since his 2007 move to Benfica. With loans to Monaco, Aris, and Beleneneses, Adu has found very little time to settle down and earn playing time, and many would argue that this has stunted his growth as a footballer. In all fairness at 21, no one should be regarding Adu as a bust, but merely a player who seems to be unable to gain a foothold at a club.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Schweini To Inter?

The fat waiter wants to buy who??
In possibly  the most farfetched news of the day, is reporting that Inter Milan are ready to lay down the GDP of a third world nation for renowned midfield maestro Bastian Schweinsteiger. Of course we know this to be as completely false . In the past year, Inter has been liked with the likes of Cesc Fabregas, Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, and even jokingly Loniel Messi. So I typically ignore most ________ to Inter transfer rumors. 

Despite completely unfounded transfer speculation, Uli Hoeness has stated it would not be an easy fight for Inter.

"We will not be petty, because we know how important he is to us," Bayern president Uli Hoeness previously said. "And when our people want more money from the board, they will get it."

In other words, Schweini is about to get PAID! Nothing some like some transfer speculation to give some urgency to the contract negotiations. Bayern needs Schweinsteiger like a girl with low self-esteem needs an abusive boyfriend. Bayern would rather get down on their knees and plead Schweini to stay while dumping rooms full of cash into his house, then let him go to the Serie powerhouse.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why I Hate The International Break

After reading the title of this rambling, you might begin to ask yourself, how could anyone hate the glory and pure emotion of a good round of international fixtures. The national anthems, the over-paid stars playing pro bono, and the nationalistic rivalries never quite do it for me. Of course I love the feelings that the World Cup can conjure- citizens from different countries joining together in the joy of the beautiful game, but why do international breaks come at the worst possible teams in the league season. 

If you read the EPL Race To The Top, you already know the title race is heating up and we are entering an early climax of fixtures that could easily decide the champions. So with that being said, who else besides Darth Sepp Blatter thought would be a great idea to have a midweek international break- for a friendly. 

Let's be honest we know exactly what is going to happen. Robin Van Persie is going to start, even though he shouldn't. He is going re-injure his ankle, and Arsene Wenger will be complaining for weeks about why the Dutch F.A. shows no common sense. We've seen the script before and the plot hasn't changed, just as we were getting in the thick of it in the EPL. So thanks FIFA.

Despite my hatred of randomly placed international breaks, bent on capitalizing financially on Spain and Lionel Messi, you should watch these matches.

Happy SuperClasico!

Happy SuperClasico Day!

Everyone will make the claim that their derby is the most intense in the world- The North London Derby, El Clasico, The Old Firm Derby, and the list goes on, but there is only one rivalry amongst them all. This season's first installment of el SuperClasico should be one of the more interesting matches, as both clubs languish mid-table and are playing way under expectations. Expect a heated derby where all three points will be hotly contested. Please watch the video and enjoy the passion and energy- this is what soccer should be like (take note MLS).

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Race To The Top

With the EPL heating up leading to the Winter Break, this more than any other time during the season will see the true title-contenders and Champions League hopefuls emerge. It appears that nearly every top side has been dealt a rough patch of fixtures between now and the rest of the season. So let's analyze the title hopefuls and their chances of topping the league before Christmas.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What Makes A Good Hockey Fight

During the Washington Capitals 6-4 win over South Eastern Division rival the Atlanta Thrashers, Johnny Erskine and Eric Boulton dropped gloves and gave 18,000 screaming hockey fans their money's worth in what could easily be the fight of the year so far.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Jay Leno Desecrates The Commissioner's Trophy

He did what!?


Brian Wilson put forth 162 games worth of effort in the grueling summer heat, plus playoff numbers like an ERA of 0.00 and 16 strikeouts through 11 pitched, and oh yeah dethroned the Phillies, defending NL Pennant holders, and you put the GOD DAMN TROPHY ON THE GROUND.

....Awards are something Jay Leno may not know a lot about, with ONE Emmy in 18 years of late-night television, but nonetheless, you have to know better than that. If I were Brian Wilson, I would have beard punched this man in the face.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Off The Team

....give up on life.

[dirty tackle]

David Beckham's Fashion Pick Of The Week

Well hello and welcome to David Beckham's fashion pick of the week. I caught you watching me in joyous celebration with my Galaxy teammates, of which I cannot quite recall either of my teammates names. I really only seem to remember talented footballers names, so I regretfully only have room to remember my name- HA-HA! Oh yes I find myself quite charming as well. Well onto my metrosexual fashion tips for the week.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Premier League Underated Squad

Being half way through the EPL season, it has become clear who is exceeding expectations and who is not. Given that expectations is what has measured these players' successes,  let us analyze their role coming into the season.


Monday, November 1, 2010

Time For Favre To Retire

Brett Favre…the infamous Brett Favre. Oh, how you have been worshipped like a god and hated all the same. For years, you fostered and developed a first-ballot hall of fame career in Green Bay, yet performed one of the most talked about betrayals the sports world has ever seen. Ever since your departure as Commander in Cheese, your career has been, for lack of better word, ridiculous in every facet. You have been deceitful at best, constantly speaking of retiring to avoid the summer heat in training camp. Even though you appeared to be the hero returning for one more tour of duty, but you showed up too late to matter as the Vikings in weeks 1 through 4 lacked a cohesion that a summer of practice would have perfected.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tony Romo's Week

Pretty much sums up Tony Romo's week. If anyone thought this team was left for dead last week, with Jon Kitna at QB........


R.I.P. 2010-11 Dallas Cowboys Season

Weekend Match Guide

English Premier League
Blackburn Vs Chelsea- Ewood Park- ESPN2 10:00 AM Saturday

Chelsea should be looking forward to an easy week. Blackburn has not won an outing since this time last month against Stoke, and I would not be expecting it to change anytime this week. The title-holders will most likely walk over them.

Bold prediction: Malouda and Drogba both score.
2-0 Chelsea

Arsenal vs West Ham- Emirates Stadium- FSC 10:00AM Saturday

Arsenal should look forward to use their last two wins as a launching point to spearhead a title challenge against Chelsea. In a London Derby anything goes, I would expect this to be a tough match, but Arsenal are undefeated in their last five meetings, winning three of them. I see no reason to pick against the Gunners this week.

Monday, October 25, 2010

David Beckham's Fashion Pick Of The Week

Well ello there. I see I've caught you admiring my rather cantankerous battle scars from my excursions in Milan. And that was just that fashion shows. HA-HA! I look smashing good don't I? Even at my worst I still look quite better than you at your best. But enough with this mindless dither. Well I'm sure you've stumbled upon this writing from some obscure source as I do not feel that many people fancy this rather hole-in-the-wall sports website, but I have come down to bring my fashion sense to the commoners. So yes, bask in the glory that is David Beckham.... Good, glad you've gotten your basking out the way. Now I can bring forth some metrosexual fashion tips.

Soccer Superstars and Their Doppelgangers

Have you ever been watching a soccer game and just say to yourself, "Man Gareth Bale really looks like a chimp." In that vein, we here at the Third Half are prepared to share with you the complete catalog of celebrity look-a-likes in professional soccer.

Here we go! 

Well did anyone ever really think that Julio Cesar looked a little familiar??? I don't know about you guys but I am not going to be able to watch Inter or Brazil play again without thinking about Babaganoush. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Game 6 ALCS Keys to Success

The Texas Rangers and the New York Yankees square off in game 6 of the 2010 ALCS, a series that has been historic, exciting, and defining for many players. The Rangers have the chance tonight to put the Big Apple away for good, clinching their first ever World Series appearance.  The Yankees, on the other hand, obviously need to show their experience and playoff dominance as they close in on their greatly desired 29th World Series Championship against a team who has never even been in a Conference Series until this year.

Keys to Success


Nelson Cruz. the Rangers' right fielder, is the player of choice for Texas.  In this post season, he's batting .378 with 4 home runs and 6 RBI.  Behind MVP contender Josh Hamilton, Nelson Cruz has contributed the most to this club.  He needs to get his hits early in the ballgame against the young right hander Phil Hughes to develop some momentum for the rest of the lineup.

Also, Texas' team post season batting average? .285 so far.  More video game stats? I think yes.

3/2's EPL Match Guide- Matchday 9

3/2’s EPL Weekend Match Guide

Tottenham vs Everton- White Hart Lane

Finding the back of the net three times against Inter Milan is no small feat, and Tottenham will look to build on their midweek success by taking on a struggling Everton. With both clubs having won their previous two league matches neither side will be looking forward to slowing down their momentum. Expect a close match but Tottenham’s midfield generals are too much for Everton and their defensive frailties.

Expected result: 2-1 Tottenham

What Does the Chaos Theory and the 2010 NFL Season Have in Common?

“From Order Into Chaos”

In the clusterfuck that has become the 2010 NFL season, we are poised to witness the first real dogfight to the NFL Playoffs in the last decade. With the Cowboys, Vikings, and Chargers all languishing at the bottom of their respective divisions, there are questions that need to be asked, namely, why are all these teams underachieving at precisely the same moment? Does this represent a shift in the game itself? Or will we eventually see order sprout from chaos and the perennial favorites rise up to defend their hopes of making the playoffs?

The hell we are.